100+ Hilariously Funny Jokes for the Workplace for the 9-5 Laughter

1. Funny Jokes for the Workplace to Share With Your Co-workers

Having a lineup of funny work-appropriate jokes can be handy in having a couple of laughs with your coworkers during coffee breaks. It lifts your mood and also creates lighter moments amongst your office groups. Some short office jokes to share with your coworkers are:

1. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? - He took a day off.

2.  I went for an interview for an office job today. The interviewer told me I'd start on $2,000 a month and then after 6 months, I'd be on $2,500 a month. - I told them I'd start in 6 months.

3. Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. - It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

4. I love my job. Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. - I'm currently eating a yogurt called Susan. How cute!

5. Employer: We need someone responsible for the job. - Job Applicant: Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.

6. Why are construction workers great at parties? - They always raise the roof.

7. Why are fewer people going into archaeology? - Career advancement is in ruins.

8. Why did the developer go broke? - Because he used up all his cache.

9. Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar? - He got 12 months!

10. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? - Because he was out standing in his field!

11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? - They make up everything.

12. You know what they say about a clean desk. - It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

13. Why did she quit her job at the helium factory? - She refused to be talked to in that voice.

14. Why did the can crusher quit his job? - Because it was soda pressing.

15. Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you! - You have my Word!

16. I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. - And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

17. I got a job at a paperless office. - Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

18. What did the bartender say when she refused to serve Comic Sans a drink? - “We don’t serve your type here.”

19. Who wins in a fight between Sunday and Monday? - Sunday. Monday is a weekday.

20. What do you call a factory that manufactures products that are fine? - A satis-factory.

21. If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. - I want to exchange it for another Friday.

22. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? - “You look drunk.”

23. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "Uno, dos..." poof. - He disappeared without a tres.

24. Where do bad rainbows go? - Prism, it's a light sentence.

25. What do you call a haunted chicken? - A poultry-geist

2. Funny Jokes for the Workplace to Share With Your Boss

Ever wanted to crack a joke with your boss at the office? If you’re a boss and are looking to break the ice and create a good rapport with your employees or the other way round, share these actually funny jokes with them and fill the room with laughter!

1. Boss: Do you believe in life after death?

Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.

Boss: Well there is now! After you left yesterday saying that you had to go to your grandma's funeral, she called the office looking for you.

2. Bill walks into his boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I've got three companies after me, and I'd like to respectfully ask for a raise."

After a few minutes of haggling,   the boss finally agrees to give him a 5 percent raise, and Bill happily gets up to leave.

"By the way," asks the boss as Bill is leaving his office, "which three companies are after you?"

Bill replies, "The electric company, water company, and phone company."

3. Why did the taxi driver get fired? - Passengers didn’t like it when he went the extra mile.

4. No matter how much you push the envelope, - It'll still be stationery.

5. What do you call a fake noodle? - An impasta.

6. My boss said to me that I was the worst train driver he had heard of.

He asked me, “How many have you derailed this year?”

I replied, “I am not sure; it is difficult to keep track.”

7. When I saw my boss pull up in his new corvette.

I replied, “wow that’s a totally nice car, boss!”

She advised me “thanks, and just reminding you to keep working hard every day and I’ll be able to acquire a second one!”

8. My boss sent me an email. Boss: “Send me a joke!”

Me: “I’m working right now!”

Boss: “That was great! Send me another one!”

9. My boss told me I am a worker worth paying attention to. - Unfortunately, he told that to the security guard.

10. My boss asked me how good I am at making spreadsheets. - I told him I Excel at it.

11. As a security guard, my boss told me my job was to watch the office. - Having watched season 6 so far, I don’t know what this has to do with security.

12. When it comes to critiquing your boss, what are the best ways to do it?  - Quietly, so that they cannot hear you.

13. My boss asked me who is the stupid one – him or me. - I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

14. Boss: ‘How can we keep the office clean?’ - Me: ‘By staying at home.’

15. The boss told me to have a good day. - So, I went home.

16. HR manager: ‘What’s your biggest weakness?’

Me: ‘Interviews.’

HR manager: ‘And besides that?’

Me: ‘Follow-up questions.’

17. Our Accounting system was flawless until the boss put in his 2 cents worth. - Now all our records are off by 2 cents.

18. I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough."

He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks, boss, see you next week!"

19. A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.

The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”

The man says “I’m probably too honest.”

The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”

The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”

20. My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

21. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.

22. I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

23. I use artificial sweeteners at work.

I add it to everything I say to my boss.

24. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

25. When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except from the vending machine.

3. SFW Funny Jokes for the Workplace

SFW (Safe For Work) is used to indicate that the content that is being shared is work appropriate, and doesn’t contain any objectionable content that could offend someone at the workplace. SFW jokes are clean jokes that can be shared with colleagues at the office. Some examples are:

1. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None. It’s a hardware problem.

2. Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, ‘Dude, that is definitely slowing you down’.

He replied, ‘Well, yeah, it is, but I’m in the kitchen remodeling business, so I’m supposed to be counter-productive’.

3. Some people say the glass is half full. - Some people say the glass is half empty.

Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

4. I don’t mind coming to work; it’s the eight - Hour wait to go home I can’t stand.

5. I went for a job interview today, and the interviewer asked me, ‘What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?’.

I said: ‘Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.’

They then asked, ‘And your strengths?’

I said, ‘I’m Batman.’

6. The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

7. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. - To steal from many is research.

8. If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, - I would start searching with them.

9. I’m not stupid.

Of course, I’ve got a disaster recovery plan.

Unfortunately, it was on my hard drive when it crashed.

10. Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? - The stock market.

11. Just re-watched Benjamin Button, again. Never gets old.

12. My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. - Based on that alone, I don't think she'd be a good secret agent.

13. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor."

14. I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

15. Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. - I imagine they'll be given a tough sentence.

16. Why do I drink so much coffee? - It helps me do stupid things faster and with more energy.

17. My new girlfriend works at the zoo. - I think she's a keeper.

18. The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. - There will be no coffin at his funeral.

19. A genie asked, "What's your first wish?"

Steve answered, "I wish I was rich."

The genie nodded and then said, "What's your second wish, Rich?"

20. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

21. 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

22. A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

23. Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.

His assassination plot had failed.

24. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.

25. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

26. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

4. Retirement Funny Jokes for the Workplace

If any of your colleagues are about to retire, here is a chance to create long-lasting memories with them at the workplace with some good humor. Listed below are some light-hearted retirement jokes that you could share at your retiring coworker’s farewell party:

1. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.

2. What did the gardener do after they retired? - Not mulch.

3. If the music’s too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid.

4. Retirement: - Where the money’s no better but the hours are!

5. How do you know you are old enough to retire? - Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it!

6. Retirement: - World’s longest coffee break.

7. He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.

8. Why do Retirees smile all the time? - Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!

9. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? - Only one, but it might take all day.

10. Why did the robber retire? - He just couldn’t take it anymore!

11. Why did the astronaut retire? - He got spaced out!

12. Why did the butcher retire? - He was cut off in his prime!

13. What do you call a retired lawyer? - Supremely qualified!

14. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? - As soon as they’ve had their afternoon nap!

15. How many days are there in a Retiree’s week? - 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

16. Now that you’re retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! - What will you do the second week?

17. When I retire, I’m going to enjoy my life and live off my savings.  - Not sure what I’m going to do on the second day though!

18. When is a retiree’s bedtime? - Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

19. I’m not retired! Golfing is a full-time job!

20. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store.

21. Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors? - The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

22. Four retired ladies are playing bridge.

One of them looks across at her partner and says, “I know we’ve been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can’t remember your name. Could you please tell me again?”

Her partner looks at her for a long moment and finally replies, “How soon do you need to know?”

23. Among retirees what is considered formal attire? - Tied shoes.

24. Why do retirees count pennies? - They are the only ones who have the time.

25. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? - If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

5. FAQs

5.1 Why is it beneficial to crack jokes at the workplace?

With employees being too caught up at work and stressed at times with multitasking and achieving their goals before the deadlines, humor acts as a stress buster. It allows employees and managers to bond with one another and engage in informal conversations. Office jokes and riddles could also act as an ice breaker at office parties.

5.2 What are some ground rules about workplace humor?

Some ground rules about workplace humor that should be followed are:

• Be nice: Ensure the jokes aren’t at the expense of someone. The message shouldn’t be mean or spread negativity.
• Be genuine: Telling a joke in a spontaneous and cheerful manner definitely works; as opposed to being obliged to tell it when you aren’t in the mood to do so. It would make others feel uncomfortable. Tell it when you’re feeling it yourself, and spread laughter - it is infectious!
• Do not tell inappropriate jokes that could revolve around people’s jobs, paychecks, medical issues and more. They aren’t funny. 
• Know your audience - think about how they will respond to your jokes. If you have to end your joke with “I’m kidding/ joking”, you’ve gone too far. Your political views and biases aren’t necessarily shared by your colleagues.